no one ever knew what to do with you

shiegra @ 2017-12-24T14:30:00

2017-12-24T22:31:30Z

( family death )

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livejournal news

2016-12-31T23:35:49Z

Opening admission that I copied pretty much all of this directly from umadoshi's helpful links post on the matter.

umadoshi:

If anyone's unaware of the recent behind-the-scenes changes at Livejournal, this is a good summary: "LiveJournal represents social media without borders". "As of a few days ago, the IP addresses for blogging service LiveJournal have moved to 81.19.74.*, a block that lookup services locate in Moscow, Russia. Now users -- especially those who do not trust the Russian government -- are leaving the platform and advising others to leave."

rahirah has a post with links and info. There have been so-far unsubstantiated reports of pro-Ukraine Cyrillic blogs being suspended without warning.

Honestly, umadoshi's post gives a much better link roundup and rundown, so it would be kind of superfluous for me to go on about it. The only thing I can think of to say is that I hope inadequately that this doesn't endanger Russian users on the site, and that--more frivolously--I don't want to lose the archived links, memories, and connection to lingering community there, but in a way it's like saying a long-building goodbye. It's odd to remember how long it's been since I actually visited that site in a substantial way.

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a limp christmas post

2016-12-26T20:57:34Z

Happy holidays and all.

( brief brief medical shit )

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ramblings about being fannish, the witcher, and borderlands 2

2016-08-27T20:20:52Z

lauralandons, I think it was, made a post about struggling these days to engage fannishly with things--to feel the same old excitement, to feel the energy. It was like something clicked in my head when I read that; because yeah, I miss that so much. I want to feel that flare of interest and investment for characters, I want to feel that urge to talk about them, make fanworks about them, ponder the nuances of their choices and responses, think about the worldbuilding, pick at it, arguably improve/deepen it, splash around in the pond. I think a lot of my struggle has been me getting in my own way - especially in regard to brain shit mucking up my ability to emotionally engage with anything - but lately that realization has helped me recognize when I do feel some of that old spark.

( discussion includes brief mention of rape and child abuse as backstory and more emotional stuff )

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Dark Souls I

2016-08-21T23:11:58Z

I was trying to write up an in-depth, thoughtful, possibly annotated review of Dark Souls--probably to be finished once I'd completed the game, ahem--but honestly I want to start blogging more, I love this game, and I'll probably make more than one post. Besides, better informed and more thoughtful people than me have made lore videos and posts before, and I mostly just want to talk about how much I love this damn game. (And if you're curious but don't play games/are wondering about getting it/just enjoy watching Let's Plays, ENB has a really good lore-based playthrough, From the Dark where he hunts down almost all of the obscure lore tidbits. If you're considering getting the game, though, I have to advise you to carefully look into making it work, because the PC port is, ah, not in tip-top shape.)

The premise is that you awaken as an undead human imprisoned in the Northern Undead Asylum, a place where humans marked by the Darksign are corralled and forgotten. You're aided in your escape - possibly accidentally - by a mysterious knight, and when you make your way through the damp stone halls, rusted and crumbled and in disarray, inhabited by Hollowed undead who have long since lost enough coherent thought to attempt to escape, you eventually find the selfsame mysterious knight gravely wounded by the Asylum Demon that is the penultimate line of defence against escape. The knight passes his mission on to you--to travel to Lordran and ring the Bells of Awakening to learn the fate of the Undead.

That's the bare bones plot of the opening, and it really doesn't touch on what makes the game so amazing. In rough order and my opinion, that would be: the environment, the gameplay, and last but definitely not least the way they manage to take a story about lonely remnants of a great civilization - its ruins peopled almost entirely by Hollows and a few clear-minded undead facing that grotesque and seemingly inevitable fate - and prevent that story from being feeling dreary and hopeless. I feel like this last is managed via the NPCs, which seems like a really odd thing to say about a game that has so little in-depth interaction. You're mostly all ships passing in the night, strangers sharing brief survival tips and practical aid but remaining separate with your own agendas.

( Read more... )

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i am tired and headachy. insomnia is no fun

2016-08-03T19:59:33Z

So, the intensive course I was taking for a chunk of the summer has ended. It was six days a week and essentially (counting bus travel) from 7:00 AM to 9:30 PM, though Saturdays were usually a little shorter. It was a whirlwind, and stressful - there was a lot of people-meeting involved, and I...struggle with people - but now that it's over, I don't quite know what to do with myself.

Well, in the absence of knowing, I guess I'll just try to do good on my dozen abandoned vows to blog more on DW? Tumblr is just - for all its faults - so easy to hop onto and slink off of. Low effort! Such low effort! Especially when you're navigating it the way I have.

It's been a bad mental health year, and a year is probably a conservative estimate. I'm just trying the whole 'one day at a time, one small step forward at a time' thing. My sister moved back in, but unfortunately I still don't see her much. (On the other hand I'm very anxious about her good opinion of me, so maybe that's for the best.) I'm taking some film classes, and I've learned a) incredibly invaluable lessons in writing, storytelling and teamwork and b) that the film industry has potential to be tremendous and is often depressing. (Knew this already, I guess.) I've also learned that my pickiness about trailer editing - I USED TO ENJOY GOING TO THE MOVIES EARLY ENOUGH TO SEE TRAILERS - is ten times worse now that I actually do some video editing myself.

Killjoys season two is out, which means I really want to finish season one and watch season two. Suckily, my mood being this low and brain feeling this crap means I'm back to square one in the 'twitchy and overreactive and virtually unable to compartmentalize' stage and my progress has screeched to a halt.

I'm curious about Stranger Things, masochistically finishing Penny Dreadful now that it's done, The Chronicles of Shannara and hopefully Nikita? And a number of other things that aren't floating to mind right now. Also I want to finish Dark Souls and gush about it. A lot. And finish recording and editing the Let's Play of Dragon Age: Origins that has gotten ridiculously long but has kept my mental health limping along somehow so.

Also I really, really want to start writing again. That is, to write things I don't tear up or delete six minutes later.

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murdering metaphors, who me

2016-03-05T23:20:19Z

Well, I just spent the better part of today scrubbing toilets with cramps and a hangover. Sometimes when your life choices come home to roost, they really squawk along the way.

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steel's edge

2016-02-13T03:10:10Z

I have to admit, one of the main reasons I find Steel's Edge enjoyable but frustrating is their take on the mythology of healers. I like environments and magical backgrounds that make the gift or the act of magic nuanced and multi-faceted, and although they do get into the flipside of healing - the fact that the manipulation of the body could be used to harm as well as do good - they still make it into this kind of ridiculous binarist mess.

The fact is medicines and the act of healing itself involves a lot of scenarios and treatments where 'damage' or destructive tactics are used to mitigate problems or to improve health. Many, many medicines can be toxic in the right doses. Fever can do terrible damage and kill but is a biological tactic to kill bacterial or viral infections. Amputation can prevent rot from spreading to the rest of the system. You get the point! So in some ways the 'halfway-there' idea of, 'well, healers can do damage but if they hurt people it will send them on an out of control spiral of ~seductive malice and mindless evil!' is even more annoying to me, because at least in other stories I could explore other sides in meta or fanfiction. It's just so rigid and black-and-white punishing an aspect of worldbuilding.

Also, it kinda leaves a bad taste in my mouth - not necessarily strictly trying to upbraid the authors here, just saying bad taste - that Charlotte, the compassionate healer called defective (by a villain) for being unable to bear a child, is the one whose power - if it slips out of the kindly sweetness and light realm - must be 'carefully contained' because lashing out in a moment of pain and/or experiencing petty schadenfreude will lead her irrevocably down a path of corruption and evil.

I think it's a good book, but it contains some worldbuilding that really leaves me cold. Also, they are so much better at writing non-creepy non-identical male leads in the Kate Daniels series.

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tumblr shipping memes, asked for by exactly no one: I DO WHAT I WANT

2016-02-02T12:15:01Z

Domestic shipping meme questions for Angel/Gaige, because why have self-control?

( Read more... )

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i hope you are all well today, or if not at least well stocked with booze and/or chocolate

2015-12-25T22:45:16Z

(and/or at the very least the day off)

best wishes/happy holidays/merry christmas, everyone

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Icons Icons Icons I miss you so when I'm not here

2015-12-22T20:39:07Z

There was a meme a while back I'm too distracted to dig up properly about looking at your icon page and seeing trends, and I was glancing through my icons seeing what I might be willing to give up if I upload the giant passel of icons I'm thinking of, and contemplating that.

I noticed:

not enough kissing icons. So many kissing icons, and yet not enough.

apparently I have a heretofore unidentified passion for red washed close ups of women's faces looking down???

shocking no one, primarily female characters

I have to work hard to make myself upload icons that aren't people's faces

vivid colours, vivid colours, I WANT ALL THE COLOUR

I agonize over icons and I agonize over keywords, SO MUCH, but sometimes it's actually satisfying instead of frustrating to look at them after!

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fandom & mental health

2015-12-22T20:03:36Z

( personal junk )

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Icon meme! and tiny linkspam

2015-12-07T09:21:33Z

Links all snitched from umadoshi for 'neat news' of the day: The Star Wars folding screens just unveiled at Kyoto’s Kiyomizu Temple are amazing, and 12+ Rare Wild Cat Species You Probably Didn’t Know Exist (NOW THAT'S THE CONTENT I'M LOOKING FOR IN MY INTERNET GOING LIFE) and Fruits Basket! Is being re-released! I can finally finish my collection and re-traumatize myself with a full reread.

Speaking of which, I need to finish rereading D.Grayman. I stalled where my purchased copies ran out - somewhere around vol.15 - so I need to either resort to scanlations or make my wallet resume weeping tears of blood. Our local library does not have a good supply of manga.

LET'S DO AN ICON MEME, and I am making one up in honour of redoing my icon page. (Though now that I'm running out of space, I'm deleting and uploading the last fifteen in a finicky and panicked fashion.)

Go to my icon page, pick five of my icons you want to hear me talk about (or ask a specific question about!) Then I will do the same for you in a comment chain of icon love.

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shiegra @ 2015-11-13T09:03:00

2015-11-13T17:11:40Z

I’m kind of messed up over family stuff right now, and I’m taking a(nother) hiatus.

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copypaste-ing my review from tumblr because i'm lazy

2015-11-09T10:17:12Z

HEY SO

I saw The Last Witch-Hunter tonight, and like? Against my expectations/concerns, it was a really solid action/fantasy movie. Like, I expect nothing or worse from movie trailers lately, but if I was trying to reach target audience for the movie I would have aimed for probably a much quieter trailer that showcased primarily the enormous personal charisma of the cast (they all had bucketloads) and the actually pretty effective horror moments. The special effects were pretty neat, but they were the trimmings on a fast-paced, concisely told story that followed the tried-and-true track of the jaded immortal finding a reason to live but filled out a stiff script and sometimes giggle-worthy dialogue with the personality the actors mustered for their characters and a linear but compelling plot. That actually, for once in an action film - or even a fantasy film - made sense. You know, as far as action/fantasy fare goes, especially drawing on the mythological elements this one does.

( Read more... )

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halloween comment ficathon

2015-10-30T15:33:11Z

☠ a halloween comment ficathon ☠

darkfic is a subjective term and the main point of this is to celebrate halloween and have a little fun. let your instincts guide you. no one will quibble if you fudge a little

to be honest, i'm open to prompts simply for a 'horror' AU setting (or appropriately halloween-ish canon)

leave your prompt in the body of the prompt (e.g. Crimson Peak, Lucille Sharpe, on the difference between dead girls and ghosts)

please warn for any potentially triggery content!

if you fill, please leave a comment in the appropriate thread to make it easier for people to find and read, placing fandom and pairing in the subject line of your comment!

If you don't have a Dreamwidth account, feel free to comment with OpenID or anonymous - anonymous commenting is on and no IP addresses are being logged.

have fun!

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>:[

2015-08-06T21:44:34Z

So, we reached season three of Person of Interest, and the big plot development therein.

I had been warned, but I'm still angry.

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so for the remaining 4-5 weeks of my summer I’m doing an experiment

2015-08-03T02:47:58Z

(And by experiment I mean therapy/self-discipline/writing practice.)

I’m posting five summaries here. At the beginning of each week (Sunday) I’ll pick a story and over the week I’ll write 10/15k words for it. I’ve completed 3 Day Novel two or three times, I’m capable of it. Then I’ll do some editing and share it online. ~~If anyone sees anything they particularly want to vote for, I’ll do them in a certain order; if not, I’ll eeny-meeny-moe it.~~ Votes are in, and they are presented in order below. But I might not have the fifth week free, so one of them might not get done.

I’ve put the summaries below the cut for length because hoooo boy, they got long. Some of the summaries are rougher than others; I need to practice making them pop. But they serve their current purpose.

(they’re almost all f/f)

( Read more... )

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updatessss

2015-07-23T20:30:16Z

I had to go to the emergency room yesterday for stomach pains, which turned out to be something unpleasant but luckily not appendicitis, thus hopefully any need for surgery can be headed off at the pass. Feeling crap and even more crap at posting/communicating than usual but I'm going to be trying new medicine, (not for the stomach junk, for the stomach junk I got heavy duty Motrin and anti-nausea, and the Motrin doesn't help a whit) so let's see how that goes.

I got Child of Light at the Steam summer sale, and I'm really excited to play it!

I've been reading The Witcher books as a prelude to hopefully playing the third game - still kind of iffy on whether or not I should play the first and second, although now that I talked myself into missing buying them both for like five bucks during the steam summer sale I'm kicking myself. I actually really like them! They're a bit of a product of their time, but they're more nuanced than I anticipated when I stopped myself from buying them in Barnes & Noble like two years ago. The characters are legitimately interesting and engrossing.

I could really, really do with less Dandillion, especially since occasionally I like his loyalty in a scene and then he keeps reminding me he's slime. Geralt is definitely an archetype, but I love him, I admit it. (Though to be honest, barring a few hot buttons, I am pretty manipulable.) I like Yennefer a LOT. I wasn't quite sure what to make of the 'backstory of sorceresses' bit but I think I actually find it pretty fascinating? Because what he's actually talking about is the bitterness of disabled women whose life paths are defined by their physical 'deformities' - first the rejection by their families, then the social awareness of being accepted 'despite' by indiscriminatory magic users, then they have to use magic to 'fix' themselves in order to be accepted and support themselves financially. I'm still not TOTALLY sure what I think of it, but it's interesting. Especially since I initially thought it was going to be one of those 'ugly girls are bitter' things.

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The Librarians, Sleepy Hollow, ME

2015-01-09T23:36:33Z

Does anyone know what The Librarians is about? Lesley Ann-Brandt is on it so I'm curious, and it looks like it might be vaguely fantasy-ish, but I don't know.

The newish - is it actually new? I'm so out of synch - episode of Sleepy Hollow was a little disappointing. Despite the eternal grudge I bear against That Actor for his character's creepy behaviour in CW's BatB (sorry, That Actor) I really hoped that Abbie would get an ally and instead she was Proved Wrong again. Also, I skipped some episodes but I still don't feel about Hawley? He's not interesting to me.

I want to see Jenny and Abbie's Girls Nights Out so bad. I'd like to see more Abbie with her hair down in general. She deserves downtime and I'd like to see more scenes of her introspective, happy, dealing with things like adjusting and the apocalypse - touching on Crane's plan for the future was very 'ouch, reality' but I'd like to hear some of her thoughts too - so more of her frustration has an impact, as a facet of her life instead of a scenario she's pretty much stuck in.

I mean, we do see some of it! But...I wish we saw more, and independent of Crane and the central apocalyptic drama.

Also, she totes should have had a semi-feral guardian angel looking out for her. It would have been greaaaaaat.

I wish I was sure they were going somewhere with the moral agony over the Cranes' relatives. John Noble isn't worth this.

( school/brain junk )

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Yuya <3

2014-12-22T20:08:50Z

I know it's not as easy as all that, but if only doctors could settle on a diagnosis and, more importantly, stop treating me with condescension and dismissal when I mention an earlier diagnosis or what I feel might be a divergence from their opinion. It's exhausting and demoralizing.

I forget how much I just plain liked Yuya - not just loved her, but delighted in her early screentime so much. I know fandom tends to turn Kyo into Jerk With A Heart Of Gold, and I'm not saying he's entirely ill fitted for the trope, but in my opinion he's mostly something much scarier. Yuya is our tried and true Jerk With A Heart Of Gold and she may be my favourite fictional rendition of said trope ever. Some of the flattening of her character into a more passive heart of the group is due to the manga doing much of the same and using her rough edges largely as fodder for jokes made at her expense later in the series, so I can't entirely blame fandom, but I'm sad I had all but forgotten myself.

Also there should have been way more of the intro-style plotlines where Yuya bullies, charms, manipulates or straight up thumps the resolution out of enemies whilst Kyoshiro, Benitora and Kyo trail half a step behind and occasionally pop out to exterminate whatever shounen titan her revolver unfortunately can't handle.

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sticky post! but not friends only

2012-12-24T04:59:39Z

( tumblr | fic journal | inactive deviantart )

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